This is what it feels like

I wrote this a year ago, and found it the other day, its a strange feeling reading something you wrote a long time ago, you remember and forget and wonder why.

She lies in the bath

Alone, submerged,

She sits absorbing

Resistant to the liquid

Embalming her

A watery tomb

The amniotic fluid

of a self imagined womb

spilling tears merge

invisible with the liquid whole

she lifts a hand

watching droplets as they slide

off prune finger tips

individual prisms escaping

insignificant.

She breathes deeply

Listening with her eyes

As she watches

The rise and fall

Of her stomach underneath

The transparent weight of

The weightless

Water

Eyes closed, spiky wet lashes

Against flushed cheeks

She sucks in air feeling

It full the ongoing

Emptiness

Chest expands rises with the water

As the air fills her she floats

Drifts to the top

Of the watery expanse

Limbs lost below

Visible and separate

She sinks quietly

Barely displacing

The satiny water that

Moves with her

Over her

She lies below eyes open

Watching the world

Through a glassy pane

She moves a hand sending ripples

Across the ocean

Distorting perfecting

Opening her mouth she releases

A tiny bubble of air

Tracing its journey as it rises

Uncontrollably

Until at the surface it explodes

Already forgotten the precise roundness

No more

She breathes out

Stream of bubbles

Consciousness

Rise rebellious

Lungs begin to burn

She needs air

Precious bubbles wasted

Refusing to submit

She lies waiting

Focusing on the fluid

Flowing

Around her

In her

She watches the ceiling

And wonders

If this is what it feels like

Survival versus will

She closes her eyes

Her mind blank

Filled by the pain of her

Unsatisfied lungs

Body fighting

As she falls

Asleep

Heavy head

Weightless head

Quiet

As the water holds her

drowning

She opens her eyes

And sees the light playing

With the water

Reflections

The pain is not there

She only feels

The water

Finally filled

Consumed entirely by need

She allows her body to float

In the bubbles path

She rises

Airless

To the top

Mouth opens

Air rushes in

So this is what it feels like.