I'm tired today, very tired. I am meant to be at karaoke right now, but I actually am just not up to it tonight, much as I know it will be awesome and embaressing and amazing.. I'm kind of cross with myself for not going, because I wanted to see my friends, and I really wanted to spend some time with the guys that will be there, who I've kind of lost touch with, which makes me sad, but is mostly my fault. I find it really difficult to stay in touch with people, I don't know why, I think I'm just stupidly shy so I get scared people don't reli want to see me etc, so lame I know, I guess I just think I'm kind of boring. Which is true, I mean I am sitting at home right now, but still, I need to get over it. Greg's cousins are down from aus at the moment and my gosh they are different! They are really nice, but also loud, obnoxious and constantly trying to push my buttons, with the crudest jokes I've ever heard, and I respond exactly how they want me to every time. Yesterday one of them hurt my feelings, he told me I was cute and really really conservative. Sigh, it was kind of hard to take, I hate how people often don't take me seriously, and how he jokingly belittled everything I hold so valuable. But then I started thinking, and I guess there is some truth to what he's saying, I am very narrow minded in lots of ways, partly because of the way I've been brought up, there are some things I have strong opinions against, but I'm not ashamed of that! I am really tired of being reduced to a 'cute little girl' as he called me though- so annoying! It makes me feel 2 years old! Not appreciated. anyway, rant over. I need to get stronger, to be more decisive, to care less what people think, to take criticism, to have more foresight, to not judge so quickly, to be more open minded, to believe I have something to offer people, to be more light hearted and less serious, to stop trying to grow up so fast, to be more outgoing, to make an effort with people and to place less restrictions on myself. Sigh. for now, I just need to sleep. 

I will cheer myself up by thinking about the week so far........ Tiger on thurs was pretty awesome, drank a lot, Greg's cousin kept buying me drinks, we bonded haha, it was nice to just let go and have fun, I wasn't driving for once so just enjoyed myself :) Crap music, but had fun dancing anyway, woke up with a massive bruise on my arm I don't remember getting, but I suspect is either from fighting with jeremy over the glowy bracelet thing, or tackling Raffi or ...no idea? haha

Friday: highlight was drinks on chapman's peak with kim, jess, laura, em and grant, watching the sunset- what a beautiful city I live in! Was hanging pretty badly though so early bedtime :P Oh I also went to kalk bay for breakfast- olympia croissant with mushroom and mozzerella mmmmm amazing! Oh and I saw em for a little bit, which was nice, love that girl :) 

Saturday: ummmm I wanted to go to the biscuit mill but never got there- next weekend! I went to pick and pay for braai stuff with greg in the am, chilled at his house for a bit. Then in the evening we had a braai at his house which was cool, watched the rugby with the australian cousins which wasn't a good idea as we lost! Braai was yummy, first braai of summer :) My potato salad was a winner haha. After that evening was a bit lame, bit of tension, but I played killing floor and shot lots of zombies with the boys which made greg happy- claire mustn't find out though, I'll be ostracized haha, oh and I almost won pool against the boys! Got to bed at 4:30 though, so tired!

Sunday: not very eventful, can't actually remember what I did! woke up late, came home, did some work for ekukhanyeni- I designed a calender for the sponsors, which we're going to get clint eastwood to sign and auction on ebay, designed the logo and invite aswell. Um then saw my family which was nice :) 

Monday: Gym with jessi- was proud of us for going, then went to long street with greg and bought a pretty pretty dress I couldn't actually afford but couldn't resist from journey. unimpressed bf for being dragged to long street. I saw the most beautiful old school cameras in one of the antique shops that I really want to get my paws on someday when I actually have a bit of cash! Went to mercury last night, which was ridiculously crowded, and as we got there they stopped playing the good music, so we moved to tin roof, which isn't my favourite. I'm really not a clubbing sort of person, but the cousins seemed to enjoy it! I was quite ashamed of my dancing skills compared to theirs! I need help! We left at 2:30ish, got juicy burgers, went home, chatted, got to be at 4:30 again. You have to remember I am a girl that usually can't stay awake past 10 so the past week has been impressive for me!

Today: Woke up late, out for lunch- princess sandwich yummmmmm, au pairing, home, lame tv, sleeeeeeeeeeeeppppp at last