Done. Its a waiting game now. 

I HAVE A NEW PUPPY! he's 10 weeks old and gorgeous and furry and looks like a giant teddybear and I can't stop cuddling him :) He hasn't got a name yet because my family can't agree on anything but it might be bear or scamp hmmmmmmm

eat pray love

Just watched eat pray love. food for thought. First I will let the future unfold as it will. I'm only 20, I'm not supposed to have it all figured out. Second I will not make any decisions I am not 100 % happy with. Third I would like to get to know myself a bit better, we've become strangers lately. Fourth I will stop obsessing about how I look and dolce far niente. Fifth I will devote more time to the people I love who make me who I am. Sixth I will try and make my mind still sometimes and try to learn to meditate. Seventh I will pray more. Eight I will be polite and understanding with myself. Nine I wont forget the dreams I had a few years ago, I will go and study overseas, I will learn Italian and live in Italy and paint there for a year, I will own a flat in Oxford, I will go to art school in London, I will write for a famous magazine, I will write a novel, I will learn to sew, I will have a darkroom and make time to photograph things that bring beauty into my life, I will have a family, I will be married in Tuscany in a field of sunflowers in the late lazy afternoon sun and ride off on the back of a motorbike, I will go back to Pisa and pray by Francis Assisi's pigeons, I will have a garden full of roses and a swinging chair and a library full of the most beautiful old books that smell like home and a glass atrium outside covered in honeysuckle and a cupboard full of mismatched beautiful china tea cups like my gran's, and I will never stop creating- I will keep writing and drawing and not give up. Ten I wont actively pursue being happy, but I will treasure every moment when I am happy and be grateful for these.

once upon a time there was a little girl with yellow hair and she was a cloud gazer and a believer and played mary in the church play and a shepherd once as well and one day at church everyone started to have miracles happening to them the church was full of people with teeth that suddenly changed to gold and silver and hands covered in gold glitter that wouldn't come off no matter how many times you scrubbed them and the little girl prayed and prayed for gold hands she checked her palms every minute and once she saw some flecks of glitter there but it turned out to be from her sparkly pen and she sat in worship one day and screwed her eyes up tight praying with all her little heart and she opened one eye secretly in case the priest was watching to check one lonely little palm but there was no glitter and now its 13 years later and she's still checking but theres no glitter so she's stopped praying well sort of because in some quiet corner of a heart that taken up mostly by herself she still names herself a believer and she still prays sometimes and waits but theres no glitter. no glitter at all. and sometimes it makes her cry but she pretends she doesn't care isn't she good enough maybe not.